PharmCountry

In my pharmacy we are (or at least I am) very superstitious about the dreaded “S” word–no, not that one; “slow.”

Well, today being the day before a holiday, the pharmacist had the (mistaken) impression that today would be, umm, s**w, since everybody should be travelling out of the area. I told her not to say that word, and she just said I was being superstitious.

Around 10am, a “nurse” called in a script for Vicodin ES, #30, 1-2 twice daily. All in all, not a weird script, except for the following:

1. She had a very (very, very, very) fake “briddish” accent, making it obvious she was trying to disguise her voice.
2. She was calling from an emergency room. In this area, at least, ER’s don’t call in scripts.
3. There was no background noise; if she were really in an ER, there would have been the usual sounds of an ER

So, the pharmacist called the ER, and the nurse who answered quickly said, “Well, we don’t even have a nurse by that name.”

RPh: Well, I need to speak with the doctor to confirm that it really is fake.

RN: Dr Soandso is busy right now.

Rph: Well, I’m sure Dr. Soandso would like to know if someone is calling fake scripts in under his name.

RN: Ok, I see your point.

Well, the doctor confirmed that it was fake as well, so we called security, who then called the police. A really nice policeman came and took a report of what had happened. He waited in our back area where he couldn’t be seen for about half an hour before deciding to leave his cell number (something he said he doesn’t give out to just anyone) with instructions to call if she came.

I said as he was leaving, “Of course, she’ll be here in ten minutes.” (and of course, I was right; an early-20-something very-pregnant woman wearing daisy dukes, a tank-top, and flip-flops came strutting in.)

To stall her, we had her fill out a new patient profile. “We haven’t filled anything for you since 2005 (which was true) so we need to update your information (which was pure baloney). Meanwhile, the pharmacist got on the phone and called the officer.

As the “patient” finished filling out the profile, a different officer came in behind her and yelled at her to drop her backpack. He then proceeded to cuff her and lead her to the bench by the bath room. Evidently he loosened his grip just enough, because she decided to make a run for it; not easy to do when you’re very pregnant and wearing flip flops, not to mention hand cuffs behind your back.

By this point, the first officer had come in, the assistant managers on duty came back to the pharmacy, and half the employees were wondering what was going on. We also had one patient waiting for about an hour in the store while this was going on; thankfully she was nice, and it was an otherwise sl…er…not not not busy day. (Hopefully that will keep me from jinxing myself for the next time I work.)

I was sent to make copies of the “script” that she called in and the profile she filled out. When I came back, one officer was asking her name (“I don’t have one,” being her response; gotta love stupid criminals) while the other officer pulled out 4-5 prescription bottles and half a dozen presumably fake scripts from her back pack.

When it was all over, I turned to the pharmacist and said, “See, I told you not to say the “s” word. It gets us in trouble every time. (of course, I meant we’d get a lot of scripts, not a nearly nude pregnant girl running from the police.)”

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Hope everyone has a happy 4th.

Edit: sorry, the pic was lost during a site upgrade.

Look closely at this prescription (finger added to protect the, ahem, not-so-innocent). I finally understand why this doctor always writes the quantity twice on controls.

It’s not so obvious in this RAZRized picture, but if you look at the second line, “Disp: 30 tabs” was changed to “Disp: 80 tabs.”

Well, we of course called the doctor’s office to verify that the script was valid. The nurse told us to go ahead and fill the prescription (for 3o with no refills, as it was originally written) but to fax them a copy of the rx.

Well, the next day, the nurse called and I picked up. She wanted to know if the patient had picked the prescription up, and unfortunately they had. The nurse told me, “Well, just so you know, he is no longer going to be our patient.”

Sting. And the thing is, the patient isn’t even fat.